.....Jedi Knight O'Berryman K'Nobby suffers an horrific drinking injury and young Looke Shitetalker travels off in search of an old master of the Steam to complete his training. After searching literally hundreds of pubs, stopping for a cheeky one in each, he comes across a funny little green leprechaun...

Looke: I am searching for a great steamer.
Leprechaun: Maccers, you seek Maccers. Take you to him I will.

After a really cracking revelation it transpires that this crazy little man is none other than the mighty Maccers himself.

Looke: I want to become a drunkard like my father before me.
Maccers: For nine hundred years have I been steaming, what know you of drunkardness?
Looke: I'm not sober.
Maccers: You will be.
Looke: Nooooo!

...Giving Master Maccers a piggy back from pub to pub (the old timer's double vision is too far gone for him ever to consider attempting to walk again), young Looke Shitetalker learns ever more about the mysteries of the Steam....

Maccers: The Steam makes you pissed. You must feel the steam around you, in the bartender and the barrels, and in the pipes that join them to the taps....
They order another round and go outside into the beer garden.

Maccers: ....even in the weasels, and the squirrels who hoard their steam in the trees.
Looke: I do feel the steam.
Maccers: But beware of the soberness, once you start out down that illuminated path, forever will it dominate your steamery.
Looke: But how will I know the drunken side from the bad?
Maccers: When you are drinking Heineken, Larger Tops, the non-alcoholic shandys, the soberside are these.
Looke: Is the sober side stronger?
Maccers: Rid your mind of questions. Clarity of thought, intelligence - a steamer craves not these things.
Looke: I remember a pub filled with clouds of steam.
Maccers: It is the past you see.
Looke: Squirrolo, O'Berryman!?
Maccers: Friends you have there.
Looke: Did they survive the session?
Maccers: Difficult to see is the past. Always so hazy.
Looke: They're at a pub? I must go after them.
Maccers: Go know and enjoy the session you would.
Looke: That is why I must go.
Maccers: Remember what you have learned. Help you it could.
Looke: I will return and finish the session - I promise.
Maccers: Beware of the Alfred. Strong is he with the Sober side....

The Devil

25/10/2000