I must tell you a tale of such steam...

such abject hoonery...

such depravity...

such monetary machinations, the like of which you'll probably never hear again.

The story begins in Tenerife, where some old Uni buddies were holidaying. This bunch of Essex lads were unfortunate enough to find themselves in an apartment directly opposite a lap-dancing club! The whole week passed with the lads resisting temptation and not entering said establishment... until the last night...

Young Stu (for ‘twas is name), had been left by his mates (who were all knackered) in a club where he intended to stay until he pulled. His efforts however were in vain, and he returned home to roost. But, as he approached his hotel, his eye was caught by the neon lights of the lap-dancing club, and so in he walked. He found himself a seat and was soon joined by a fine young lady, who proceeded to put her freshly shaven bits & bobs into his face. Stu was pleased. His pleasure would soon double, as he was joined by another dancing girl with equally fine assets.

After much wiggling & wobbling, the girls asked Stu if he wanted to go into a private room!! At this point, he explained that he had no more money - only a switch card with six pounds left on it. The ladies however, were not to be put off and so they led him into a room. Stu's eyes lit up when he saw the room - for in it was a jacuzzi! And in the jacuzzi - another gorgeous girl!! Our man wasted no time, and was soon taking full advantage of the situation he had now stumbled into. Suffice to say, such group shenanigans, jousting of clams & filling of boots has never been seen before in the world of the Hoons (although hopefully...).

But there is a final sting in the tail. You see the young Stu believed his switch card was useless, and in the midst of all this wild debauchery, he hadn't paid much attention to his switch card, and the occasional soggy receipt. And so on returning to England, a shock was in store. Visiting his favourite cash machine, he asked for his balance...

Six THOUSAND pounds overdrawn!!!

I feel the word DISGRACED will ever proceed his name.

Squirrel

24/07/00